trust in potential

I remember taking an Alexander Technique workshop when I was in university. The thing that suprised me the most is how much more strength it seemed to require to move with correct posture and alignment although it was clearly more natural and efficient. I suppose it's because those alignment muscles simply hadn't been in use for so long. Everything required concentration and effort--sitting, standing, walking. I was exhausted by the end of the day.

Lately I've realized that when I am feeling really centred my posture improves automatically and my movements are much more graceful. My shoulders drop, spine straightens and I feel a lot lighter on my feet. All kinds of small adjustments take place almost immediately. And it feels effortless.

There are many approaches to teaching voice, and I've studied under a few different teachers. During my most concentrated period of study I experienced something that seems to relate to this automatic alignment. Lots of tiny muscles are required to speak and sing, far too many to visualize let alone consciously control. But we do control them when we shape vowels. Rather than worrying about them I let them do what they needed to do and was only conscious if I felt discomfort in the throat. Instead I would focus on my stomach muscles and somewhere in my mind I would hear the note I was going to sing. If I could imagine it and if I felt strong inside I knew I could sing it well. Even consciously breathing was a distraction. Although my breathing was abdominal, what I focused on in my belly was more of an intensity.

When I refer to intensity I mean an awareness of potential or strength. Creating space for the strength I know is there although it is not yet engaged. Too often my thoughts try to crowd me right out of my body. They make me feel weak and tired. I experience a chronic tension in my shoulders and neck that is closely related to a cramped posture. It really takes a lot more energy to let my thoughts take me wherever they wish than to be conscious of what I'm thinking and experiencing. After a night of dreaming I experience the same discomfort and exhaustion. If I meditate after waking I can begin to relax. The relaxation is something I observe, not something I consciously achieve. I wonder how much more in my life could come more naturally and efficiently if I were to trust that space inside.